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Friday, July 20 2018 @ 11:03 PM CDT

Radical Retro Turtle Toy Talk: Private Porknose & Dimwit Doughboy

It's Monday, so that means it's time for Radical Retro Turtle Toy Talk! Join Suine Hallock as he takes a look at one of the variations of that gruesome twosome known as Bebop and Rocksteady! Click through to check them out!



Welcome, one and all! Here we are in the month of February, which means Valentine’s Day, and I assure you, love is in the air here at RADICAL RETRO TURTLE TOY TALK! Now, sure, I could take the obvious route and touch on Casey & April or Mikey & Kala, but I’m a firm believer in platonic love being just as important as the romantic kind. Therefore, in each column for the month of February, I am going to speak on some of the various versions of TMNT’s number one bromance of all time, Bebop and Rocksteady!

Bebop and Rocksteady were released in the very first wave of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles figures back in 1988 and remained key characters in the 1987 cartoon and the Archie comic series. Their origin is pretty common knowledge. These two miscreant mutants started out as members of a gang of thugs working for the Shredder. After deciding he needed mutants of his own to combat the Green Teens, Shredder spliced the genes of these two street punks with those of a couple of zoo animals to create the wild warthog named Bebop and the raging rhinoceros named Rocksteady.

Like a lot of the base characters, including the Turtles, Shredder, & Splinter, several different versions of this gruesome twosome would come out over the many years of the first Playmates TMNT toy line. The versions visited this week are from the “Mutant Military 2” subset from 1992. Everybody stand at attention for Private Porknose Bebop and Dimwit Doughboy Rocksteady!

Private Porknose Bebop rocks royal purple regimentals with the Foot Clan insignia all over and a pair of beat-up black boots. He still wears his traditional bad blue shades and sick septum ring, but he now has a gray military helmet covering his punky purple mohawk. Dimwit Doughboy Rocksteady is bedecked in brown battle dress with a gouged green helmet on his gourd. Both baddies are wearing sculpted-on equipment belts containing essential implements like side arms, canteens, and other Foot field gear. To add a little laughter, each of these yo-yos’ uniforms has a hole in the hindquarters for their tails to tear out of their prison-like pants.

The articulation points on Private Porknose Bebop and Dimwit Doughboy Rocksteady are greater than those of most other figures from the first TMNT toy line, with a total of nine apiece. Each figure has two ball-joint hips, two ball-joint shoulders, two hinged elbows, two swiveling wrists, and a swiveling neck. The extra flexibility on these two mean mutants provides improved posing and playing. However, while Private Porknose can stand up just fine on his own, Dimwit Doughboy has one of the worst foot stances I have ever come across in an action figure. Getting him to stand up on his own is a formidable feat!

As we have all gathered by now, no TMNT toy is complete without a bunch of batty, brightly colored battle gear, and these two anthropomorphic army guys are no exception! Private Porknose Bebop comes with his Reptile Rippin’ Rifle, two Fizzlin’ Foot Grenades, and his Lead Launchin’ Pistol. The Rifle closely resembles a real world assault rifle with a butt made of turtle shell rather than wood. Similarly, the Pistol has a turtle shell handle. The Grenades appear to be just normal stick grenades with nothing noteworthy about them. They still look cool, but in my opinion, are missing the crazy campiness we have come to expect.

Dimwit Doughboy Rocksteady comes armed with eclectic equipment of his own. His arsenal includes his Back Breakin’ Bayonet, his Rabid Rapidfire Rifle, his Garbage Can Mortar Shooter, and his Pop ‘em Pistol. The Pistol, like Private Porknose Bebop’s Grenades, appears to be pretty ordinary. The Mortar Shooter, though, has a frivolous feel, with its turtle shell base and its appearance to launch waste matter mortars. The Rifle has the same turtle shell butt as Private Porknose’s, but is a completely different form of firearm. While the Rifle does appear to be a little lanky, it is great for compensating for Dimwit Doughboy’s poor foot posture. Finally, the Bayonet can cause dual-functioning damage by either hooping it over the Rifle barrel or wielding it in hand-to-hand combat.

Well, there you have Private Porknose Bebop and Dimwit Doughboy Rocksteady, the first part of the ‘Bromance for the Ages’ series. Whether you love or hate this pair of pea-brained patrollers, the forums at PopCultureNetwork.com are where you go to speak your piece! Please feel free to check back in next time when we will give the once-over to another version of the beastly best buddies, right here at RADICAL RETRO TURTLE TOY TALK! At ease!


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